I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
