You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
