her vagine was all disorganized.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
