I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize