I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize