she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
