I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
