Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
