i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
