Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
