You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
