Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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