yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
