The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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