It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
