The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
