apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
