I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
