He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
