I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
