I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
