My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
