whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
