i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
