just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
