She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
