we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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