I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
