Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
