i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she looked like the before picture.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
