Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
