I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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