Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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