come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize