Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
