I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
