I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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