just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
