3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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