I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
