As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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