Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
