I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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