end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
