i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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