we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
