Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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