My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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