Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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