My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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