remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
