Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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