watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
