Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
