in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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