But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
