Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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