I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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