no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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