Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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