Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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