Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
