so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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