It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
