if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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