In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
