Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
