Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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