I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
