How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize