the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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