i think i have herpe
just one?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
