i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
