How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
