Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
